Today at church, Pastor Tim asked us to take time out of our day and list our victories. But they can't be any type of victory. They have to be victories that Jesus won for us! I have many of them, but I wanted to list the ones I found most profound and life-changing for me, but first I am going to list my "giants", or my "Goliaths".
My Giants:
1.) depression: I struggled with this when my best friend was in the hospital for Bipolar Disorder. It was so hard being without her, not knowing if she had taken her own life, or if she was on the verge of trying again...that was one of the most nerve-racking times of my life. The depression caused me to drift into my own dark shell and withdraw from the world. I drew farther and farther away from my family and other friends...and no one seemed to understand my situation. I was wrong. God knew my situation. Jesus, his one and only son, hung on a cross for me. Duh! He definitely knew depression and sadness. I felt like my problems were the size of the point on a pen when I realized what Jesus had done to me. I replaced my sadness with a smile, and moved on. Plus, my friend was out of the hospital and better. :) Thanks, God.
2.) anxiety disorder: This has been a constant struggle for me ever since I found out I had a form of it. Last school year, I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder and prescriped medicine to help me with my depression and nervousness. I was having panic attacks every so often, and felt like the world was against me. It was the worst feeling, not knowing what life was going to through at me next. It was one of those times when I questioned whether God really loved and cared about me. He felt so far away. Over time, the anxiety backed off, and I felt better. I got off my medicine because I felt God was the only way I could truly feel better. It really worked! :)
3.) the death of my grandmas: This brought me a sense of emptiness I had never felt before. My best friends, two of the most influential people in my life, had been taken from the earth. I felt like God was punishing me for not being perfect and being distant from Him. I felt like it was my fault. My life turned upside down, yet no one seemed to notice my emptiness, but God. God led me to a brighter place, when I put my hope in Him.
4.) jealousy: I started "dating" when I was 16 years old. When I put quotations around dating, it's because that's literally what it meant to me. I was never in-love with my first boyfriend. I just was in love with the idea of being with a boy who loved me. That was not at all the case, until I found Josh. :) Josh became the guy I always wanted, even though I really, truly tried to deny it. He annoyed me, angered me, teased me...but somehow he always kept my attention. When we started dating, I knew it would be hard for me to feel confident, when I had just gotten out of a, mind you, one month, relationship with another boy who didn't make me feel good about myself. I didn't think I could ever fully trust a boy. Jealousy started to pour in when I realized some girls Josh worked with were quite attractive, funny, and all-around cool with the guys. I felt so much pain inside, knowing Josh may be interested in these other girls. BUT...he never was! He was loyal to me, and fully committed. He built my trust back up...with God's help of course.
In order for me to come over these giants, I had to go to God. He was the only peace I could bring to myself, and it provided me with hope when I read the Bible. Some verses that have helped me overcome these battles were the following: (a couple of them were read in church today!)
"Davis shouted in reply, 'You come to me with sword, spear, and javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord Almighty-the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. Today the Lord will conquer you, and I will kill you and cut off your head. And then I will give the dead bodies of your men to the birds and wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel!"
-1 Samuel 17:45-46
I must pause here to quickly type a verse that was literally "blown to me" by God. I am sitting here writing this, with the Bible open, and this verse was what the Lord spoke to me with by blowing the pages with the breeze, and stopping here:
"As for God, his way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to him for protection. For who is God except the Lord? Who but our God is a solid rock? God is my strong fortress; he has made my way safe. He makes me as surefooted as a deer, leading me safely along the mountain heights. He prepares me for battle; he strengthens me to draw a bow of bronze. You have given me the shield of your salvation; your help has made me great. You have made a wide path for my feet to keep them from slipping."
- 2 Samuel 22: 31-37
How perfect is that verse???!!!! I'm sitting here amazed. :)
The last two verses I am putting on here are ones that have really, truly, spoken to me, and changed my life throughout the rough times:
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."
-Philippians 4:13
"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:6-7
I still struggle to overcome my giants everyday, like self-consciousness, and anger issues, but I know God is right there beside me helping me through. He is the only reason I have the life I have, and I should be living it for Him. Thanks, God, for blessing me so abundantly with my family, friends, and boyfriend. I know I only have these gifts because of You.
Trust in the Lord! He is bigger than the battle! :)
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