79 students and leaders, from White River Christian Church, left on Monday, July 19th, for Carbondale, Illinois. None of us knew what was in store. C.I.Y MOVE was being held at Southern Illinois University. C.I.Y. stands for Christ in Youth. It is a conference that is held throughout the year, at various universities across the nation. This conference is unlike anything I have ever been to in my life. I am involved with the Awakening, another kind of Christian retreat, done by about 30 people in Cicero, Indiana. The people that go through these types of "retreats" go home feeling, refreshed with the Holy Spirit, maybe convicted of wrong-doings in their lives, and a renewed passion for God. C.I.Y changed my life, as did the Awakening when I went through 6 years ago. But this was something different. The Awakening is a more intimate community, and a more calm, collected weekend. C.I.Y is a week-long event that includes over 1,000 students and leaders coming together to learn more, worship, and praise the one true Savior with hard-rock music, screaming, jumping, and dancing. It moves you to be different. It creates a sense of renewal like nothing else.
On Sunday, July 18th, I was devastated. I didn't want to go to this "high-school" thing. I was not involved in the high school ministry at my church, and my life included a dark spot when I was in junior high and high school. I absolutely hated being around teenagers. I hated being one. Now that I have aged into my adult years, I have come to a conclusion. Teens can be the greatest example of worship. Teens know how to worship right. Our church has teens that worship and praise God more than I have ever seen or heard an adult do in their lifetime. They lift their hands in reverence, fall to their knees in submission, and cry tears of joy for our Jesus. I have never been more blown away by anything in my life. Our high school ministry is filled with teens that love Jesus and live their lives for Him.
Jesus blew me away this past week. I cried for Him. I bowed at His feet. I left everything in Carbondale, Illinois. I have never felt so relieved, renewed, and rejuvenated. God truly showed himself to everyone who went, or who witnessed the change in the people that went. I never expected it to be this huge thing that would change my life. I was scared. I was afraid to admit all of my sins to Jesus, in fear of rejection. How stupid I was to think He wouldn't love me anyway. I felt his loving arms wrap around me. I'll get to that story later in the blog.
First, I want to address some things I have been struggling with. In my past blogs, some of you may have seen the heartbreak and darkness happening in my life. I was so far away from God. I never expected to be convicted like I was. I had made decisions that would change my life for the worse. I put others before my God. I was selfish, dark, and unworthy of His love. I was unwilling to change who I was, because I thought I was happy. Then something happened.
The week was almost over at MOVE, and I felt as if God had challenged me to change my ways, but I didn't feel Him. I needed that tug at my heart. Well, let me tell you something. He didn't tug...He yanked, pulled, and captivated my heart. . Todd, my partner for the week in D-groups, grabbed my arm and took me to the doors to the entrance of the auditorium. As I opened the door, Marie, a girl I had been blessed to get to know in my D-group all week was waiting, with tears rolling down her cheeks, for me. God had laid something upon her heart. She looked at me with a smile and we talked about how God had brought us together somehow that week, and we wanted to stay connected. Then something happened to me that never had before. God placed a challenge on my life, I wasn't ready to take on, but knew there was a purpose for my life to accept it. Marie asked me to be her mentor. WOW!!!!!!!!! God you are amazing. That was EXACTLY what I was brought to C.I.Y. to do. I was brought there to change my life, and make the choice to help someone else's walk with Christ. This not only shook me to the core...it opened my eyes. As Marie and I cried together for a few moments, we both went back into the auditorium and to our separate seats. As I got back to my seat, I felt Jesus. I was brought to a heart-wrenching, life-altering sob. Jesus had placed me here for a reason. I felt His love overwhelm me. I fell to my knees in submission, lifted my hands in reverence, and cried tears of joy for my Jesus. This is the prayer I said as I worshipped:
After that prayer, I knew something about me had changed. I felt joy again.
The week ended on an awesome note Friday night. Our youth group came together and people revealed what God had laid upon their hearts. I felt close to my church family for the first time in 6 years. I felt loved and accepted. These "kids" had changed my life. God had blessed me tremendously through this trip. I felt like I knew where my life was going, and that God would be at the head of it. His will was what I was relying on, instead of my selfish desires.
This week was life-altering, breath-taking, heart-filling, different. God changed so many people. God knew what was in store, especially when I didn't. God knew my heart would fill up again with His love. He knew this challenge would be exactly what I needed. In reality, I don't know exactly where my life is going to take me. All I know for certain is that if God is at the head, my feet will walk. Thank You, Jesus, for the unknown.
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