Empty My Hands

*I am just warning you, if you don't like when people pour their hearts out for others to see, don't read this.  I will be pouring my heart out. *


Empty My Hands
Tenth Avenue North


I've got voices in my head and they are so strong
And I'm getting sick of this, oh Lord, how long
Will I be haunted by the fear that I believe
My hands like locks on cages
Of these dreams I can't set free

But if I let these dreams die
If I lay down all my wounded pride
If I let these dreams die
Will I find that letting go lets me come alive

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
With You, with You Lord

These voices in speak instead and what's right is wrong
And I'm giving into them, please Lord, how long
Will I be held captive by the lies that I believe
My heart's in constant chaos and it keeps me so deceived

But if I let these dreams die
If I could just lay down my dark desire
If I let these dreams die
Will I find you brought me back to life

So empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh Lord, empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You

Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need Your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

So won't you empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You
Oh empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with You

With You, with You
I need You, I need you my Lord
With You, with You
I need you now Lord


I made a mistake.  I chose to fall back into the mind game that I have played for so long.  I believed things that were said to me, and then taken back...again.  Some people really are just not able to have compassion for others, while some people (me, for example) cannot feel enough hurt for what others have to say.  I'm not saying I'm a selfless, righteous person.  I am far from it.  But I have a heart that feels too much.  I take everything personally.


There are a few things in my life that I wish I could take back.  I won't share these today, but I'm sure most people can relate when I say that.  I look back too often, and that's why I bring hurt to myself.  I over-think and overanalyze situations.  Sometimes it literally takes the life out of me.  I cause this pain.  The devil surely knows how to hold on tight, and not let go.  God seems to be pulling at him, but for some reason I keep pulling back.  It's like I'm keeping this pain because I want to feel something.  My heart longs for love.  God gives me all the love He created.  Yet I still feel empty sometimes.  That is so selfish.


I have struggled for years with my self-esteem.  There are times when I let myself go to a statistic because I felt the need to fit in somewhere.  I became someone that just wasn't me for so long.  Now, I'm just living with the fact that I have to rediscover myself and who I am in Christ.  All I know right now, is that I have rededicated my life to Him, so I need to believe it.  I need to believe I have a new life.  I have a new life.


The song begins with talking about the voices in our heads.  Those voices are 100% society and Satan.  I wanted so badly to have that love story that everyone seems to want.  I truly thought I had it.  But, realistically, when I look back, I had nothing near it.  Our relationship did not reflect Jesus.  We barely honored Him.  My boyfriend was before Jesus on my best friend list.  When I realized that, it was too late in the relationship to turn it around, and I knew that.  I think my boyfriend knew it too.  We both just decided to ignore it for as long as we could.  And that's where it got us: here.  We are no longer a "we".  And that hurts me deeply, because I only knew myself as the other half of another person for so long.  We weren't even married.  I committed myself to him so much, that I didn't know how to live on my own. That is the truth.  I'm telling you this, because I want girls, especially, to know that whenever someone warns you about a guy.  Listen to them.  If your heart aches because you don't feel loved 100% of the time.  That relationship is not worth it.  Do not try and stick it out so you have a story to tell later.  I hope your story can be a love story between you and God.  Not you and some guy.  My heart longs for every person to know this.  I learned it the hard way.  I knew it was going to happen at some point, but I was naive.  I believed what I was told way too many times.  It's not fair to let that guy get so deep inside your heart that you literally cannot breathe when he's gone, because that leaves him with a part of it that you cannot get back.  He has to carry that piece of your heart around for you to "see" for the rest of your life.  I wish I could just scream this for every girl to hear!!!!!


At this very moment...God is telling me to guard my heart.  Guard your heart!!!!!  My dad tells me this all the time.  I know what it means, and I try.  I told him last night that my heart has a wall around it so high, it's like the Great Wall of China.  I know that's lame, but it's the truth.  I don't how I'm ever going let someone have a piece of my heart again, but I know that right person is out there waiting for me.  I have to stop letting people throw rocks at my wall to destroy me.  I need to guard it.


I'm tired of wanting what I want, instead of what God wants.  I know this must be tiring for others to hear over and over again from me.  I feel like I am back and forth all the time between these feelings of happiness and sadness.  The people closest to me choose (or in some cases are forced) to listen to my issues and just sit there and take it.  I'm eternally grateful for those people.  Thank you for accepting me.    I'm sorry to anyone I have let down because of my heart being so confused.  I'm especially sorry to God.  I know He has forgiven me, but I am still trying to forgive myself for some things.


Please, if you are reading this, don't think it is ever too late to start a new life.  You can be 20 years old, or you can be 80.  It doesn't matter.  God is always waiting.  Empty your hands.  I know that's what I have to do.  I am praying you do the same, no matter what it is your heart is feeling.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-fWUzs6kT1g&feature=BF&list=ML4oVf-d_DwKAodWpSSUnfJbHd7QOfgmCx&index=26